My e-mails this morning included a note from a company looking for Arabic linguists. The message started like this:
“Together we’ll vanish villainous terrorism and radiate a blooming impregnable devout world peace. Do you speak Arabic…? Do you have a command of its local dialects…? Do you want to know how you may play a global roll and forge the path to a higher economical future for your self…? If you’ve answered, ” YES ” to the above, and you would like to find the means to achieve this desired goal; you should read the following [an ad for a company hiring linguists.] Shall you find your self or anyone you know with a solid determination and a steadfast belief to be an active member in our relentless effort to eradicate terrorism and bring it to extension? And shall you desire to place your mark on our history in the making, Swiftly contact us and we will be grateful to welcome you aboard.”
I especially liked the alliteration (“vanish villainous”), although if terrorism could vanish on its own, we wouldn’t need to fight it, now would we? … And I really had no idea that world peace could be “radiated” like a laser beam and, furthermore, that this world peace laser could be anthropomorphized to be “devout”. I wonder what its religious beliefs are, this world peace? And what of my “roll” in all this? But the kicker was the conclusion of the hiring ad: they actually want to bring terrorism to “extension,” instead of “extinction.” Is it any wonder we are losing this fight to “eradicate terrorism”? Lord help us.